Northwoods Recovery

“When I grow up, I want to be a drug addict.” 

No kid has ever actually thought this — at least I certainly hope not; drug addiction being far from a suitable aspiration or higher calling. In my childhood I wished for many different accomplishments as an adult, some realistic, many more fanciful; all fell victim to my consistent emulation of behavior I observed in the adults populating my world. I cannot recall any who were not actively engaged in some form of substance abuse.

So, as it is for many who’s early environment sees them set on the path to addiction, my formative years were an exercise in schizophrenia. The dreams I wished to pursue did not include the nightmare of drug addiction, but my rapidly developing addictive personality had other plans. 

All my adult role models smoked, so of course I began to smoke at an early age, snitching cigarettes wherever I could. Clearly recalled is the moment I felt the need for a cigarette, and with a telling sense of pride told myself “I’m hooked!” Tobacco addiction was seen to be an adult condition, worthy of copying; I thought of it as a giant step into adulthood.  

But not even slightly understood: I’d placed myself on a path to begin intensively training for becoming a poly-drug abuser. Smoking cigarettes led to the next logical steps. Like all my adult relatives, I began binge drinking, which evolved into smoking marijuana with my eldest brother, and then LSD and pills and cocaine with “friends.” My drug of choice changed several times over the course of forty-plus years of chronic drug dependence, but the addiction itself remained a constant, the cornerstone of my existence. 

Even now, after all the years and blessings of this Northwoods Recovery, addictive thinking remains a factor in the choices I face every day. But with a critical difference; Recovery has taught me what my childhood role models didn’t, what I couldn’t learn in addiction: I have the power to make a better choice. By choosing to make today another sober day, every day, I’m following the path to actualizing the dreams abandoned in addiction. 

Nothing forced me to become a drug addict; impulsive choices impelled by the addictive personality I created in childhood did that. But when consistently choosing to ignore the clamoring voice of the addictive personality all addicts have in common. 

We Do Recover