Northwoods Recovery: Never on a break

Recently, I traveled to my favorite Caribbean beach getaway for what can’t honestly be characterized as a vacation, but rather a too-short break from our Northwoods wintry weather. Inspired no doubt by strolling past open-air beach bars busy with mostly European tourists downing happy hour margaritas, I was touched by that triggering impulse not felt in many years — why can’t I join them?  

 For a few dangerous moments I toyed with the usual lame justifications; I’m on a break, so why not a short break from sobriety? It’s my favorite time of year, the Christmas season, and everyone else is celebrating in the traditional fashion, glasses of Christmas cheer; why shouldn’t I enjoy an ice-cold cerveza or two myself?  

I eventually mentally slapped myself and avoided the trap I very nearly fell into, but that’s nothing to brag about. Seriously entertaining such an endangering notion has left me still feeling more than a little shaken. I came that close to a relapse. 

Marijuana and cocaine are easily available in any tourist town in Mexico; get a few drinks in a former doper like me, back in the familiar setting of so much of my foregoing drug abuse, and we all know what’s bound to happen. I was skating on thin ice and very nearly broke through.  

Thank God I could call on my years in recovery. This is the type of situation, after all, that we train for and managed to pull myself back from the brink. 

An inventory of this particular episode is inspiration for gratitude; obviously it was a necessary wake-up call. 

It shows that, at the very least, I’m in real danger of taking this recovery for granted, always the first step into relapse. 

Our demons never stop working to attract our attention, dangling the bait in front of us, trying to get the hook back in. In a one-day-at-a-time program it takes only one day’s carelessness to throw away years of progress. 

Likely I’ll find myself back on Isla Holbox someday, only next time I’ll take with me the needed knowledge that the alcohol everyone else appears to be enjoying in moderation is for me the poison that can kill this recovery. 

My challenge is one we all share; my next drink is close at hand, but must remain untasted if I’m to hold tight to this cherished axiom: We do recover.

Do you think you may have a problem with alcohol? Alcoholics Anonymous can help. Call the hotline at 715-360-4637 or visit www.northwoodsaa.org for questions or to find a meeting in your area.