Northwoods Recovery

I was only following my dream. Or so I kept telling myself.    

I wasn’t addicted to the drugs I was doing every day. Daily doping was only in keeping with the role I was playing, member in good standing of the prevailing drug culture. Addicted? Of course not; I was simply one more hippie doper. Addicts were those pathetic people compulsively slamming needles full of heroin or meth into their arms. I was better than that. I could stop any time I wanted, quit one drug and try another, go for days or weeks without any drugs at all if so inclined. 

Or so I told myself. 

Growing marijuana, growing magic mushrooms, all part of the self-image I’d created; buzzed-up countercultural warrior. I enjoyed growing mind-altering substances, had a knack for it. That trafficking in such drugs carried heavy penalties, including jail time, mattered very little in the moment. Getting caught was not part of the program. Having all the drugs I wanted, staying well-supplied with the drugs I’d convinced myself I wasn’t addicted to, was the only real consideration. No worries; take care to keep my dope stash heavy and dope would take care of me. 

Or so I’d keep telling myself. 

After my first felony drug conviction I broke with drug use and took up drinking instead, but that didn’t make me an alcoholic. Daily drinking was only my way of staying off dope. Besides, booze isn’t illegal. And after a few years of proving I wasn’t addicted, I began growing and using drugs again; why not? It wasn’t like I was an addict or anything; what was the harm? 

Or so I kept telling myself; until a combined federal, state and local drug task force surrounded my home and dragged me away in handcuffs to face multiple felony drug charges. The dream I was chasing turned into my worst nightmare. 

My drugs confiscated and facing serious prison time, I tried to end my life, but a miracle intervened and, forced me to see myself and what I’d become, finally admitted loud and clear: “I’m a drug addict.” Only now could the healing begin. 

One day at a time, this healing continues, the physical and emotional trauma of decades spent consuming toxic substances giving way to a life wholly different from any crazy drug-inspired dream; a life that’s best summed up in three powerful words: We do recover.   

Do you think you may have a problem with alcohol? Alcoholics Anonymous can help. Call our Hotline at 715-360-4637 or visit our website at www.northwoodsaa.org for questions or to find a meeting in your area.