Northwoods Recovery

Hey Northwoods, please tell me; what am I?

My name is... not important. Who I am is irrelevant. Age, sex, race, height, weight, astrological sign; none of these have any bearing on the question.

More important is what I’m not.

Despite what some authorities are alleging, I’m not a drug addict. 

Those who disagree — counselors, parents, probation officers- don’t know what they’re talking about. They tell me I have a drug problem, but they’re all wrong. Drug use isn’t the problem, but is instead my only solution. 

Most of my friends do more dope than me; some much more, and yet don’t appear at all addicted. Like them, I can stop my drug using any time I want; I just don’t want to. Doing dope works for me because then all my unhappy feelings melt away. If not for boozing and getting high, I would be miserably unhappy all the time. No one understands how bad it feels when I’m not high. Without dope, life would be nearly unbearable, and those frightening thoughts of how much better off I’d be if my life were over will haunt me again, like they did before my friends in middle school got me experimenting with drugs. 

I feel life is only worth living when I have a buzz going. 

I tried quitting a few times — once for almost two weeks — but I got so depressed, my friends convinced me to start again, and right away I felt better. My friends understand me even if no one else will.

The others say I belong in rehab, but I know that wouldn’t work; I don’t want to have to go that long without getting high. And they probably would expect me to pray or something; what’s the point? God wouldn’t hear any prayers from me.

I stopped believing in God a long time ago.

Yes, my life is messed up and needs fixing, always has, but I can’t see how. So many people seem to think I need to quit drinking and doping, but I know that would only make the bad stuff in this life so much worse. If I stopped using, all those godawful feelings will take over again. Then I’d be forced back into getting high again, so why even bother?

What am I? Far less than perfect, with many problems for sure...  Just don’t try telling me I’m a drug addict.

Do you think you may have a problem with alcohol? Alcoholics Anonymous can help. Call the AA hotline at 715-360-4637 or visit www.northwoodsaa.org for questions or to find a meeting in your area.