Northwoods recovery: Gratitude prevails over the holidays

Editor’s Note: This is the latest in a series of columns on recovery in the Northwoods

Outwardly, I don’t believe my celebration of the Christmas season to be all that different from the average; I spend more than I can afford on presents for my grandchildren, take an almost childish delight in Hodag Park’s festive Christmas lights, and generally conduct myself with a heightened sense of anticipation as The Day approaches.

And never miss the chance to wish any and all a cheery “Merry Christmas!”

But inwardly, the gratitude that is the greatest part of my recovery dominates and colors every aspect of my holidays. Others celebrate a season of good cheer, of fellowship, of family; but for me, this is a time to be grateful, not only for all of those, but for everything my recovery has delivered to me in the year nearly passed. This season keeps gratitude front and center beneath my tree, a reminder that recovery has given me the greatest gift of all; a life now thoroughly and joyfully lived, after the spiritual death that was my addiction.

Christmas, being a time for giving, presents everyone with occasions allowing for the kinds of meaningful actions that can brighten another’s Christmas. 

Without really intending it, this season has become for me a series of priceless opportunities to make amends for the selfish, dope-fueled existence I led before finding recovery. And like Scrooge on Christmas Day, I’ve found making up for lost time by seizing on those opportunities brings with it a kind of quiet joy previously beyond my imagining.    

Recently an old photo surfaced featuring myself, my four sisters and our father in front of the family Christmas tree, with not a single smile to be seen; a dismal picture telling a depressing story. My father’s abusive alcoholism inflicted much unhappiness on every family Christmas. 

The Ghost of Christmas Past haunts us all to this day; we haven’t gotten together as a family in almost 50 years. With too few good memories to revisit, no one cares to. 

With Christmas now in sight I search for ways to pass on to others the gift of life recovery has bestowed on me. Since my living situation allows me to easily do so, I plan to double up on platelet donations until New Year’s. I like to think that those donations will potentially make a critical difference in more than one Northwoods Christmas medical emergency, in so blessing some unknown neighbors’ Christmases.

Do you think you may have a problem with alcohol? Alcoholics Anonymous can help. Call our Hotline at 715-360-4637 or visit our website at www.northwoodsaa.org for questions or to find a meeting in your area.