December 28, 2018 at 5:14 p.m.
'The beautiful spirit he was': Remembering Wayne Valliere, Jr.
Father hopes to establish mentorship house in late son's honor
'The beautiful spirit he was': Remembering Wayne Valliere, Jr.
By Abigail Bostwick-
He was having a son.
"I remember the day he came," Valliere said, who was perched on scaffolding working construction on the first Lake of Torches Casino in Lac du Flambeau that autumn day. Janet Spaeth would come find him, yelling up to the sky, "Jenny (Sharlow, Valliere, Jr.'s mother) is having that baby!"
Wayne Valliere, Jr., "Namaanakwad," or "The Clouds Underneath," would be born to Valliere, Sr., and Sharlow in Woodruff that day. He'd join two older sisters, Rebecca and Amanda, as well as be welcomed by an entire community of the Lac du Flambeau Band of Lake Superior Chippewa.
"It was the most wonderful secret," Valliere said. "It was a very happy day."
Wayne, Jr. would spend a significant amount of time with his father as a youngster, learning the ways of the tribe and their rich culture. At just a few years old, Wayne, Jr. would engage in pow wows as a traditional singer and dancer, both locally and even sometimes out of the state.
"He liked to dance and sing with his dad," Sharlow remembered.
Young Wayne, Jr., would attend Lac du Flambeau Grade School, where he'd spend even more time under the wings of his father, an educator there. He'd go on to attend Lakeland Union High School. Always an outgoing, smiling child who grew into a gregarious and charismatic young man, Jenny said her son made friends wherever he went.
"He was friendly and kind, likable. Everybody liked him, and was immediately attracted to him," she said.
In high school, Wayne Jr., would dominate the football field as a lineman, tear up the basketball floor and be a challenging wrestler.
"He was a big guy, but he was quick on his feet," Sharlow said with a smile. "He was good at sports and he was good at Indian culture."
Before and after graduation, Wayne Jr., continued to pursue his Native American culture, especially in music and arts, and became an integral part of the community.
Remembering Wayne, Jr.
Wayne Valliere, Jr., 25, was killed Dec. 22, 2018. The murder was both unexpected and tragic for not only the family but the entire Lac du Flambeau and Lakeland area communities, said the family in an interview with The Times on a snowy morning in a home decorated for Christmas, one day short of marking a full year since the loss of their son, brother, nephew and friend.
"What really stood out about my son was his heart ... how he loved people, and respected people," Valliere observed. "He was always trying to help. He could be down and out, but was still doing things to help others. He was one of the most unselfish people I've known ... he had a one of a kind smile. I miss that smile."
"He had a great spirit about him," said aunt Janet Spaeth. "And he was very funny."
Even as a young spirit, Wayne, Jr., would even teach his father, a community elder, life lessons.
"I wasn't always the teacher," Valliere said. "He taught me not to judge. He was so respectful, and he was liked because of it. So many people loved him."
With Wayne, Jr., what you saw was what you got, his family said.
"He was very humble," his father remembered. "He was a remarkable singer on the drums. Yet he was very humble about that."
The absence of Wayne, Jr.'s voice on the drums is vast and irreplaceable, Valliere said.
"He's missed a lot," he said. An immense loss is also all of the cultural knowledge that went with Wayne, Jr. "The future of our culture lays with our young people."
Valliere took teaching his son the ways of the Anishinaabe as both a duty and a passion.
"My son did an awesome job at being that (next generation)," Valliere noted.
All that history, language, crafts, arts, music and tradition instilled from his father's more than four decades of knowledge in Wayne, Jr. - who took to the culture naturally and with an open heart - for 25 years is now lost, his family said.
"I don't have another 25 years to teach that (again)," Valliere said, indicating what he gave to his son was not just classroom lessons, but rather something passed down to family through irreplaceable connection and experience.
Wayne, Jr. especially excelled in the making of birch bark baskets and leather medallions, as well as the challenging and dying art of birch bark canoe making, for which Valliere is renowned and well-known. Almost an unknown practice, birch bark canoe building is a threatened art. There are only five such canoe makers left in the Midwest region among more than 2 million Native Americans, Valliere noted.
"Wayne was getting to know birch bark canoe building on his own, he was getting ready to go off on his own," he said.
Wayne, Jr., wasn't just a young master of the craft, but also at finding new and innovative ways to do the craft, his father said.
"He'd make it more effective ... he found ways to make it more comfortable for me," Valliere said, referring to tools and methods his son brought to his own workshop. "He's all around me."
The tribe celebrates each season with meaning and purpose, the family explained. From spring to summer, fall to winter. Each season harbors in a new, special time - whether ceremonial practices, spearing fish through the ice, harvesting wild rice or maple syrup, picking medicinal herbs from the forests or hunting deer - each activity honors the Lac du Flambeau nature, spirt and people.
"I once asked him what his favorite time of year was," Valliere recalled. "He said, 'Dad, all seasons are good. All seasons are good.' I thought that was so profound ... that's how he was, though. He saw the good in all ... he taught me things, about the way he saw the world.
"He had many, many gifts, so much love and kindness in his heart," Wayne, Sr. continued.
The last time Valliere would see his son, Wayne, Jr. would hug him and say, "I love you," an embrace that remains strong in the father's memory today.
"He was my partner," Valliere said. "A lot was taken away from me."
When Spaeth and her husband, Joe, return to Lac du Flambeau from their residence in Minnesota, Joe said he feels a loss, a hole as they come into the Northwoods.
"There's definitely a hole," he said, pointing to a photo of Wayne, Jr., smiling the smile of what Joe remembers most so essentially of his nephew. "You feel that empty spot."
The Namaanakwad House
Valliere observed he has difficulty forgiving those who killed his son.
"We have to go through all the seasons without him," he said. "He's greatly missed."
The grieving father does, however, want to turn his pain into something meaningful, something that may prevent such a tragedy from happening to another child, another father, another mother, another family, another community.
"What happened left me really angry," he said. "Any parent would be ... it was like someone was standing on my chest. I couldn't breathe. But I started to think ... what can I do?"
Valliere meditated.
It was Wayne, Jr.'s voice that returned to Valliere, in that moment - telling him now as he once did in life, "It's gonna get good. It'll be all right, Dad."
In the death of Wayne, Jr., the defendants - some convicted, others awaiting trial or sentencing - were found to be under the influence of drugs and involved with a gang.
"I look at those five young men," said Wayne, Sr., shaking his head. "Somebody failed those boys ... they were not given that gift and art of culture and community. They were not given love and kindness. They were not given unconditional love, period."
What came to Valliere was the idea for a house, a home, a place to go for children in need of help, who need to be removed from unhealthy situations in their own homes. As a longtime educator, Valliere already has many years of reaching out to youth in times of need, trying to offer guidance.
Still, Valliere said he struggled with whether the idea was truly the purpose to pursue. He asked for a sign. What came to him was a run-in with a budding, successful young man nearing the age of 20 - a former student of Valliere's. At 13, Valliere had seen the young man in trouble and failing in school. At that time, he'd reached out to the young boy. This year, Valliere said, the young man thanked him for those days in school when he gave advice and guided him to a good path with healthy choices.
"It was the sign I needed," said Wayne, Sr.
The endeavor, Valliere said, will be called "The Namaanakwad House."
"I have to use this pain so my son doesn't go into the darkness," Valliere observed. "I want him to be remembered as the beautiful spirit he was."
The Namaanakwad House will be a 24/7 home that will offer mentorship, housing and involve the tribe, county and education leaders. Grant writers are already working on possible avenues to make it a reality. The house will also incorporate family as well as those who have gone through hard times themselves and found a way through to mentor kids.
"Hopefully, it will steer these young people in the right places," Valliere said. "And actually break the cycles of dysfunction ... maybe somehow, some way, we can help so a person doesn't turn into a monster ... someone who doesn't respect themselves or life ... so no parent has to go through that. It's as bad as it gets ... if (the house) prevents one violent crime, it will all be worth it." "
The Namaanakwad House would reflect Wayne, Jr.'s spirit, who, when faced with adversity or tough times, always - "He'd dust himself off. You couldn't get him down. He was always smiling."
Wayne, Jr., was engaged to be married to his longtime love, Iris Carufel. He aimed to continue his dedication to the cultural arts and become an educator in the Lac du Flambeau area.
"He would have stayed local, he would have had a family," Sharlow said. "He wanted to be just like his dad."
Missed immensely by his family, Wayne, Jr., is also missed for by his friends and community.
"He could make anything out of anything," Sharlow noted. "He was very resourceful. For the little he had, he made the best of it."
Even if he had only a small meal himself, or a few ceremonial pieces at a pow wow, he'd first make sure his friends also were shared with and had something, too, his mother said.
"He'd give whatever he had," added sister, Becca, with a fond smile. "He was always protective and helping out."
Sharlow noted she is appreciative of all the kindness and support the family has received over the last year.
"The community has been awesome," she said. "People came from everywhere ... at the store, people will say a couple kind words. It's helped ... even the investigators (of the homicide) said, 'I never heard a bad thing about this kid.' It's helped to have everyone have our back."
Wayne, Jr., would later in life be joined by a younger brother, Wesley, from Sharlow. He'd also be a sibling to Valliere's three daughters and sons.
A ceremony honored and remembered Wayne, Jr., last week, giving family, friends and the entire community to connect to his memory.
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