February 17, 2017 at 3:03 p.m.
Shoutouts & Callouts
Mark Apfel had the heart of a Hodag
Shoutouts & Callouts
Why on earth would we dedicate more than a full page of newsprint to someone who never coached a WIAA state tournament team, hoisted a conference championship trophy or so much as won a single varsity game?
It's because Mark Apfel was a truly special man, someone whose impact on this community and its sports programs could never be quantified in a box score or a gamer. His impact was much greater than that and will be everlasting to the countless Rhinelander student-athletes he coached over the last 18 years.
Don't take my word for it. On Monday, when the news of his tragic passing at the age of 54 broke, there was an outpouring on social media. The message was pretty much the same:
"One of the most honest, and big hearted people in the world. Apfel would give the shirt off his back for anyone anywhere for any reason," one post read.
"I wouldn't of (sic) had the confidence in myself on the field if it wasn't for him," said another.
Said another: "You were more then a coach but every kids (sic) go to guy. A shoulder to cry on."
"Whenever I thought about quitin' his voice was there keeping me going, now more so then ever. That was just how much (he) changed my life."
And those were just the thoughts of some of his former players. There were droves Apfel took under his wing from his time coaching football, basketball, baseball and - in the earlier days - softball within the district.
"He's the kind of person that did so much that people don't even know about," RHS boys' basketball coach Derek Lemmens said. "That's where you just want to tell everyone about how much he did. Kids that were on our B team, the kids that weren't as talented, weren't as good but just needed basketball, he was always there for those types of kids and he made their experience special."
"It was the relationship with his players, with his kids," added RHS baseball coach Joe Waksmonski, who worked with Apfel for more than a decade. "The thing about Mark is he kept those relationships even after he had them on his team. He coached a lot of sports where he was the freshman coach or a JV coach, but even as those individuals went on to play on the varsity teams, he kept in close contact. You'd always see him in the hallways after school just talking and going to his kids. He was just such a positive influence on a lot of kids lives."
The thing that gets me most about "Apfy," which was the nickname I had for him (though he also went by "Affy," "Apfel," "Coach" and many others) is senior night for the RHS football team. It's always an emotional time for the players, a sad time usually, as more often than not the final home game has ended in defeat for the Hodags.
It's a surreal scene as the seniors congregate - almost dazed - on the field following that final game, their eyes glassy as they hug teammates, family, friends and coaches before wandering around the field they've called home for four years one last time. Eventually, they would slowly make their way toward the exit at the south end of the field, but not before meeting one more well-wisher.
There, away from the crowd but sure to catch every senior before they walked off the field, stood Apfel. He was there to give each senior a hug, tell them he loved them and that he was proud of him.
Apfel didn't get a chance to do that last fall, as he was ill and unable to attend the regular season finale against Ashland. I remember wishing him well on air that night and, before long, he was back up and at it. Little did we know he'd never get a chance to greet a senior like that again.
Roughly two years ago, Rhinelander High School activities director Brian Paulson brought in a speaker for a coaching symposium who pitched a concept called three-dimensional coaching. The best coaches, according to the theory, not only teach their players the fundamentals, they appeal to their minds and, more importantly, they appeal to their hearts.
Mark Apfel was that third-dimension coach. You don't learn how to become that sort of coach in a textbook or through a seminar. You either are or you aren't. Some are born with the God-given gift to connect with people on a deep, personal level. Apfel was one of those people.
"He taught me about compassion and that to be compassionate you don't always have to say something," said Zach Ready who both coached with and played for Apfel. "You can always just be there to listen."
"He always wanted to know about how things were going, how you were doing. He cared about each individual player," one of his former pupils, junior Colton Krueger, said during Wednesday's memorial.
"Coaching is about relationships and he got that," said Gary Zarda, who coached with Apfel for more than a decade and a half on the Hodag football staff. "It's easy to get caught up in the Xs and Os and who's where in the hierarchy and the wins and the losses and the stresses that come with coaching, but he got that it was about friendship as well."
On Monday, still reeling from the news, I was at RHS basketball practice when the entire Rhinelander boys' basketball program - from the third-and-fourth grade traveling team all the way up to the varsity - was getting their picture taken for the Rhinelander Basketball Association. I was watching from afar, waiting to talk to Lemmens for this story. While I waited, another coach - he knows who he is - came up and said to me, "I look at all these youth coaches and it's real easy to see which ones are here for the right reasons, and the ones who are only here to help their kid."
Apfel was clearly the former.
To be sure, he helped out when his three sons - Kyle, Dakotah and Terry - made their way through Rhinelander. But he stuck around well after their graduation.
"It was, 'I just want to be around and help out. Whatever you need just ask,'" Lemmens said of Apfel's attitude. "That was his mentality toward it. It was his way of giving back. He just loved working with the kids. He loved helping out people."
It's fitting, I suppose, that Apfel coached in the middle school and subvarsity ranks because that was his personality. He never coached for himself. He always coached for the kids.
After Wednesday's service, I was talking to one RHS senior who recounted a story about a freshman baseball game in Tomahawk three years ago. Appalled to find out the team bus was not stopping for dinner on what was going to be a short trip back to Rhinelander, Apfel hopped in his car, drove to a nearby fast-food establishment and promptly ordered 40 cheeseburgers - much to the bewilderment of the young lady who was taking his order. He then raced the bus back to Rhinelander and was ready, burgers in tow, when the team returned home.
There are countless stories like that with Apfel, whether it was giving a kid a ride home who did not otherwise have transportation, or slipping someone some money to buy a burger so he could eat with his teammates following a game. All of this was kept on the down-low.
I remember being somewhat annoyed in October of 2014 when no one tipped us off to a moment the JV2 football team had set up for young Gabe White (see the related story at the bottom of Page 2B). We had a photographer there for part of the game but he left before the contest ended, unaware of what was about to take place. White, who has Down syndrome, was given the opportunity to return a kickoff for a touchdown after the end of the game. The video of the touchdown went viral and I, being the competitive fool that I am, was ticked that we weren't there to get the story as it happened.
That's exactly how Apfel wanted it though.
"(The team) didn't know until I told them to line back up and get ready for the kickoff," he told us in a follow-up story. "I tried to keep it as covert as possible."
That was Mark. It was not about drawing attention to himself of the team no matter how heart-warming the story was. It was about doing the right thing, even if nobody was watching.
"I wanted to give (Gabe) a special moment too, to celebrate our football season," he said.
People wonder why Rhinelander sports oftentimes have mixed results. The simple answer is we don't have enough Mark Apfels. To be sure, there are some in this town who care deeply about the success of our athletic programs and the valuable lessons sports teach. Some say they care, but their support evaporates as soon as their son or daughter leaves the program. Some simply don't care at all or, worse yet, resent sports as an elitist venture in which only a privileged few can succeed. That view flies in the face of what Mark Apfel believed.
"Mark, if there were 30 guys, one-through-30 was treated the same way," Ellenbecker said. "He didn't care who your family was. He didn't care how much money you had. He didn't care, heck, if you didn't go to the weight room. He still respected you as a member of that team."
That's why well over 200 people jammed into the RHS auditorium on Wednesday to pay their respects two days before Friday's funeral service which I, regrettably, was not able to attend as I had to prep this section for today's paper. Wednesday night the room was full of coaches, players, parents and friends, all of whom are still trying to come to grips with exactly what this town has lost.
"He's a person of legacy in this town," Zarda said. "It's not everyone who fills a room in a moment like this, but this guy has a legacy. He mattered to people and I think that's something to be extremely proud of."
It's a legacy that Apfel's family hopes will carry on.
"Take what my dad taught you - whether you were his peer or whether he coached you - and really try improve your lives," Kyle Apfel said. "Unfortunately, we lost our dad and the world could use probably 100,000 more of him. If we can all do just a little part to be like him, the world would be a better place."
Truer words have never been spoken.
Rest easy, Apfy, and know the impact you've had on the countless lives you touched - including my own - will carry on.
Jeremy Mayo may be reached at [email protected].
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