February 17, 2017 at 3:05 p.m.
More than just a coach
Community gathers to remember Apfel
More than just a coach
Apfel, who passed away unexpectedly last Sunday at the age of 54, was remembered by his coaching peers, his friends and the countless number of student-athletes he mentored along the way as a compassionate man who cared about kids and cared about the Hodags.
Tributes have been taking place all week, from posts on social media to Tuesday night's boys' basketball game when Hodag players went to shake the hands of his three sons - Kyle, Dakotah and Terry - following the introduction of starting lineups, to Wednesday night's memorial and his funeral service on Friday.
"He really believed in every kid out there and every kid that came out there and competed he had a special spot for and he treated them all equally," said RHS wrestling coach Paul Ellenbecker, who coached JV2 football with Apfel last fall. "That's the thing that stands out the most. He had faith in all these kids, even when he had really poor teams. He didn't quit believing in these kids."
Apfel coached several sports in his 18 years of service to the Rhinelander community - primarily football, baseball and basketball - but never as a head varsity coach. He preferred to do his work behind the scenes, working with middle school and subvarsity teams. He worked with players who turned into Hodag stars and those who were lucky to get a sniff of varsity competition by the time they were seniors. Those who coached with and played for him said he treated everyone the same.
"He cared about everyone," said sophomore Jack Kovac, whose first experience with Apfel was on the eighth-grade boys' basketball B team. "I wasn't the best player but he made me feel like I was his No. 1 player. I'm sure he made everyone on the team feel that way."
"He deeply cares for kids," RHS football coach Chris Ferge said. "I was always comforted to know what he would do, that he would do everything he could, everything the way it was supposed to be and make people feel special."
Six of Apfel's coaching colleagues and four of his former pupils spoke during Wednesday' hour-long memorial. Their message was consistent.
"The biggest lesson I've learned from Mark of the past 15 years is how to love, how to not be afraid to love, how to love everyone, how to treat everyone the same," said Zach Ready who was once one of Apfel's players and who served with him on the RHS football coaching staff. "If Mark had a fault, it was that his heart was too big. He always gave, gave and gave, but never did anything for himself. I think that if we all had a portion of Mark's heart, this world would be a better place."
"People enjoyed being with Mark," RHS football defensive coordinator Gary Zarda said. "He was positive. He was one of those folks that it wasn't about him, it was about you when you had a conversation with him. He was pleasant and fun to be around."
"The bottom line is relationships and you hear that constantly," said fellow coaching colleague and close friend Mike Prom, who officiated over Wednesday's memorial service. "It's the relationships that make the difference. That's what the key to coaching is, relationships."
Apfel was a Hodag through and through, born in Rhinelander on Dec. 29, 1962. He graduated from RHS in 1981 and served in the U.S. Navy before returning to his hometown following his honorable discharge from the service.
Once home he found his calling in life, helping kids. It wasn't always by leading them to victory. Sometimes, his colleagues said, it was by simply giving a player a ride home, or slipping a player who didn't have any money some cash to purchase food following a game.
"He got kids shoes, got kids equipment. He did so much that no one even knows about," RHS basketball coach Derek Lemmens told the River News Monday. "Rhinelander lost a really important person."
"Mark, though not a man of great means himself, did not want to see someone go without," Zarda said during Wednesday's memorial. "He was able to sacrifice the bit that he had to make sure that nobody would go without."
Perhaps the moment that earned Apfel the most notoriety came at the end of a JV2 football game in October 2014. He worked with opposing coaches from Mosinee to allow then 8-year-old Gabe White, who has Down syndrome, to return a kick for a touchdown. The video of the moment went viral on social media and garnered national attention.
"I'm not an out-in-front kind of guy," Apfel told the River News following that moment. "I don't want the publicity. It's all about Gabe, but if some good comes out of it, I'm fine with it."
That was Apfel, someone who flew under the radar, but was an ally for Hodag players and teams.
"He really loved everything Hodags," junior Colton Krueger said. "It meant so much to him and you saw that in everything he gave back to the kids. He's just a great guy. He made everything, made everything more special."
"He believed in the kids," Ellenbecker said. "He believed in Rhinelander. He was a great, great advocate for the kids in Rhinelander. He's really going to be missed on many levels."
It wasn't only players who turned to Apfel for advice. Prior to applying to be a coach for the Rhinelander/Antigo girls' hockey team, Kevin Sandstrom said he first confided in Apfel. To which Apfel said,
"Here is my advice: you may be the greatest guy who knows all Xs and Os of the sport but if you are not willing to give a little bit of your heart to each kid then they will never see the wonderful person I was lucky to get the chance to know. Good luck and my prayers will be with you getting the job."
Apfel's sons hope to continue their father's legacy by establishing a scholarship in his memory. In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that people contribute to the fund, which has been set up at Peoples State Bank.
"He was a really awesome man," Apfel's oldest son, Kyle, said. "The biggest thing I'd like everyone to take from this - and it's the same thing that students and teachers are saying - is my dad truly cared about all of you. We know it as his sons. Those who coached with him, students who played for him, you truly understand what he was all about. He was about making everyone better. If we can just move forward in our lives like that, you'll be honoring him big time, because he is going to be looking down on all of us constantly."
Jeremy Mayo may be reached at [email protected].
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